Puck’s Prattle

Be nice, go to the YouTube page proper and leave me a good rating, and I’ll be your friend forever!

I’m going to do some more Brady Bunch shit, if only because my Brady Bunch Hour post from early February still brings me a significant amount of traffic. I’m not even a Brady Bunch fan, really. I just enjoy the gaudiness of it all.

From 1972 to 1974, while the original Brady Bunch was still on the air, there was a Brady Kids cartoon. A really badly-animated cartoon; think The Archies. The Brady Kids go on various adventures with two pandas named Ping and Pong (because pandas are always named Ping and Pong), a dog named Mop Top, and a magical bird named Marlon.

The opening is pretty trippy. Damn, the Brady franchise got a lot of use out of what’s since been named the “Brady Grid”.

Let me point out something in the lyrics. The boys sing, “then there’s Jan the middle one who’s really groovy.” Come on, they didn’t think Jan was groovy; they all dumped on her.

In the next sequence, the Brady Kids get more mileage of of their song “Time To Change,” which was first used in a regular series episode in which Peter’s voice changed. There’s a subtext to this song, of course: it’s about pubes and periods, and we all know it.

Watch closely how Greg plays the guitar. Why do early 70s animated characters strum guitars with open palms? Archie and company did this too. It seems to me that would create no sound.

Check out this group shot:

Cindy Brady is playing what, exactly? A ukelele? I can accept Bobby on drums, but Cindy was a pretty dense kid, and she, not Marcia, should have been stuck on the lame-o tambourine and triangle, like Tracy Partridge before her.

I have to say, though, Jan’s looking pretty hot working the damper pedal on her Rhodes piano in that mini-skirt.

But wait a second, what’s going on here?

That’s really creepy. Time to change… the channel.

Next time: the Bradys tackle drama in the 80s.

Adult content warning!

Must be seen to be believed. No, really, watch this. Just watch it. You have to watch this. I’m serious. Put some pillows or a mat on the floor, because you’ll be rolling on it within seconds.

This is a parody of the second season finale of The O.C., a show I never watched.

The song is “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap. The first couple dozen times it’s great, then it gets really irritating.

I’m very pleased to announce that I’ve joined the blog Movies No One Should See as a contributor. I’ll be doing movie reviews in much the same snarky style you’ve come to love on Puck’s Prattle, albeit a bit tempered for a much wider audience. I might also develop a column of sorts in which I write about TV or retro commercials or something like that. As well, the new season of Big Brother starts in July and I might be able to convince Robby, the blog owner, to let me do recaps and expert analysis.

In any case, my first review is of the Emilio Estevez wannabe-epic Bobby. Enjoy!

From last night’s Saturday Night Live, Andy Samberg does it again.

I’m caught up in a postmodern hall of mirrors. Yesterday I made and posted my Farewell, Sanjaya tribute video. First of all, it’s quite clearly a joke, what with “You have two of fifteen minutes left” and “this is a joke, people” at the end. Still, it garners comments from people who just don’t get it:

wtf are you high? what sort of damn song is that? how many shots are there of the little girl. i am truly confused what that video was even for. appalled.

What sort of damn song? It’s only “Seasons in the Sun,” the most irritatingly maudlin song ever recorded. And then I get:

lol, u made it luk like he’s dead or sumthin. iz jus american idol, chill…he’ll mov on, n so will america.

Thanks for clarifying. I thought they took contestants out onto the Fox lot and shot them. (I guess it was just Antonella they did that to.)

Astonishing. But even more incredible is this:

In the first episode of PuckTube (which makes fun of itself as well as of other vlogs/vodcasts, duh!) I feature a letter from “amber h.” in Raleigh, North Carolina, in which she calls me on the carpet for having made fun of Sanjaya Malakar:

Puck u r such a fuckin loosebag,,,
how dare u insult Sanjayah like that,
he is 1 of the best singers evar on
amercan idol + ne1 can see that.
plus, he has nice hair. just wait,
ul see sanajaya will win!!!1!
I <3 sanjaya 4ever!!!!

amber h.
raleigh NC

p.s. what is PoMo, is that like a
hair product?

Now, compare this to actual comments on my Sanjaya tribute video, from a YouTube user named tthatsrightt. I really am not making these up:

***poor sanjaya he will be misst.
he was juged verrrry unfairly and biest,cus thr only used to a lowd african or uro ,anoing voises that give u a head ake,,,if san jaya looks african or uro,,,not asian or hispanic,,,then things wud have been alot difrent,,he would have been compared to miclejakson,,Not racialy rejected.
**he has the best voice of the guys,,,he deserved first or second place.

****DONT tell Ryan-Secrest…to Shut Up. (he was right).
**Simon and his Dog rannndy,with his (yo and dog) thats all he knows how to say. they,,,Need to replacet. INUFF. there biest,only used to the lowd voice.
Ryan “is” the show.
**the show needs real,,,juges,,,like tony benet, jenifer lopez,dianaross,mark anthony,ext,,
**we respect ,,,tony benet , and jeniffer lopez , and diana ross’ ,,,openions on sanjaya.
Not …Yours and ur yodog rannndy.
**U both ,,,Need to be replacet.

***sanjayas, audiltilon was really good,,all those doublestandard moron juges said he was great,, like his evry performence his a fenom a young jackson and better.
**blakees audition sukt he almost didnt make wyning thru his nose and they said he cant sing his spiting is beter,,,same with wyning crisss,, uro tryin to sing african. were sik of the same garbage

***sanjaya sang the song bathwater better then the original,,,amazing.fenominal,he ownes it
he did everysong better then the original,, amazing.
ahed of his time,too good of a singer,for morons to get it at first listen.,,,,continu,,,
**cus some morons r used to a fat africangirl screeming ,or a uroguy trying to sing by wyning thru his nose,tryin to sing like an africanguy.
like blakeee and crisssy ,wyning nasalshit,,,

Just wait, I’ll find out that this “tthatsrightt” character is named Amber H. and lives in Raleigh, North Carolina.

I managed to put this video together today, through my tears.

I’m too choked up right now.

I will be issuing an official PuckTube video tribute to Sanjaya Malakar tomorrow afternoon.

Watch this space.

Now I’m going to have to find something else to fixate on. I’m taking suggestions.

Always a source of amusement. Rather than point out the search terms of pervs, this time I’d like to point out something else; notice the entries in bold.

IAN ZIERING SMOKES A CIGARETTE
ian ziering smoking cigarette
Wondering what my first smoke would be l
i’ll quit smoking tomorrow
LOUISE BRADY tits
andy richter smoker
chris richardson cigarette
woman fuck
Declined With Thanks puck
sesame street animation and and weed
jorja fox fakes
70’s era child molestation PSAs
sesame street pimp animation
adult porno in dorval
eve plumb porn credit
sexy pucks
utube fat
statistics on men and spas
helgenberger cheek implants
new pharmaprix opening soon
fuckme boots
butt plugs
does jorja fox smoke
zeus cruise
jim jones dead body
The fait of the cast of the Brady Bunch
emo plugs
sesame street bert obsessive compulsive

It seems people are very interested in which celebrities smoke. Not that this blog has the answers. Anyway, y’all are a bunch of freaks.

Check out one of today’s visitors to my blog:

Question is, bored Pentagon employee, or something more sinister? Is Sanjaya Malakar a threat to national security?

From the Ellen show.

Vote Sanjaya!

For all the crap I have to read for school, there’s the odd course that is full of really excellent texts. Here’s an amusing bit from Don DeLillo’s Cosmopolis:

The car drifted into gridlock on Third Avenue. The driver’s standing orders were to advance into blocked intersections, not hang feebly back.

“There’s a poem I read in which a rat becomes the unit of currency.”

“Yes. That would be interesting,” Chin said.

“Yes. That would impact the world economy.”

“The name alone. Better than the dong or the kwacha.”

“The name says everything.”

“Yes. The rat,” Chin said.

“Yes. The rat closed lower today against the euro.”

“Yes. There is growing concern that the Russian rat will be devalued.”

“White rats. Think about that.”

“Yes. Pregnant rats.”

“Yes. Major sell-off of pregnant Russian rats.”

“Britain converts to the rat,” Chin said.

“Yes. Joins trend to universal currency.”

“Yes. U.S. establishes rat standard.”

“Yes. Every U.S. dollar redeemable for rat.”

“Dead rats.”

“Yes. Stockpiling of dead rats called global health menace.”

DeLillo, Don. Cosmopolis. New York: Scribner, 2003. 23-24.

Sanjaya Malakar surprises everyone with his quite-good performance of “Besame Mucho.” It’s not stellar, but still, I don’t think anyone was expecting this. I could do without the creepy thin mustache and the Shirley Temple ringlets, though.

Overall, though, Latin night was a disappointment. Hello, people, there’s more to Latin music than Gloria Estefan and Carlos Santana!

• I’m trying to decide when to end Volume 1 of Minutiaeroll and start Volume 2.
• Someone started a group for my high school on Facebook. Suddenly, all at once, I’m in contact with a bunch of old friends. One reminded me of some video project in grade eleven or twelve history class: when I was behind the camera, I’d repeatedly zoom in on this poor girl’s rack, thinking it was funny. Upon viewing it, she ran out of the class in tears, the teacher chasing after her. What an asshole I was. Still, we should all be glad that happened in, like, 1989. Nowadays, something like that would be posted on YouTube and have 300,000 views within a day.
• I have so much reading to do. I have to blaze through a bunch of renaissance plays over the next two days for an exam on Friday. Crap. But I got a big term paper out of the way today, and it turned out quite well.
• Look around: everywhere you turn is heartache. It’s everywhere that you go. (Look around.)
• Get this: Sanjaya Malakar sang very well on tonight’s American Idol. Easily one of the evening’s top four performances. What the fuck, man, the world is upside-down.
• I’m in desperate need of a haircut, and the grey is growing in, so I must dye.
• More excellent very early 90s dance music: I present Black Box with “Everybody Everybody.”
  

Vote Sanjaya!

In PuckTube episode 1, I said, “My hatred of [Sanjaya Malakar] burns white-hot with the fire of a thousand suns”.

I have changed.

How appropriate that on this Easter Sunday, Sanjaya rises and transcends the physical bondage of his feeble vocal cords. Sanjaya the man has become Sanjaya the myth, the legend, the mystery.

I am Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus.

Puck has become Paul.

I want Sanjaya to continue on American Idol for one simple reason: Sanjaya Malakar is to this spring as Snakes on a Plane was to last summer. Sanjaya is the zeitgeist of the day. Soak it up now, for just like SoaP, he will soon be gone, and we’ll wonder what all the fuss was about—as we shift our collective fixation to something or someone else.

Sanjaya, Sanjaya, don’t set this place on fire!

Simon says, “Deplorable!”
America says, “Adorable!”
Because we love your dimples
Your hairdo’s never simple
You are a handsome fella
Prettier than Antonella
You are the pick for me
‘Cause Sanjaya means victory!

Vote Sanjaya!

Mother of God, this show is funny. I adore Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin is brilliant in his role, and Jane Krakowski is delightfully naïve. This, for me, is the kind of laugh-out-loud show I haven’t seen since Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I haven’t watched that many episodes, because it’s on Thursday evenings, usually opposite Grey’s Anatomy or CSI or something. I’ll probably rent, if not buy, the first season DVD, whenever that comes out.

• I somehow brought Judith Butler’s essay “Performative Acts and Gender Constitution” into a paper on a renaissance play (Jonson’s Volpone) I just finished. Stuff like that makes me feel like some kind of scholar to be taken seriously, though most of the time I just laugh at myself.
• Is PuckTube a vlog or a vodcast? All of the vlogs I’ve seen on YouTube look like crap—just someone sitting there mumbling. PuckTube has some production values, good editing, and clips from other videos. But vodcasts are supposed to, like, come on a feed or something. I dunno.
• It’s Elaine Benes Big Salad night at the PuckPad^®.
  
  Elaine being given the Big Salad that George, in fact, paid for. Notice his consternation.
• The Good Shepherd is out on DVD. I’m looking forward to seeing it. I love all things covert and conspiratorial. That’s why I listen to Coast to Coast AM at night. It’s all about aliens and shit.
• Everybody’s talking about wanting that and needing this. I’d just like to know if want to learn a different kind of kiss.
• A bit of an academic reprieve: our AmLit prof gave us an extension until the 24th (!!!), and then another prof gave an extension on his paper. I have quite a bit more breathing room now, given I have two exams for which I have to catch up on reading.
• I’m seriously considering microdermabrasion. Seriously.
• Now I’m hoping Sanjaya Malakar stays on American Idol. It’s gotten to be fun.
• This song will forever remind me of my trip to Vancouver to visit Expo 86, the summer before I started high school.