TaB cola: the secret to marital fidelity
I have fond memories of drinking can after can of TaB® cola in the early 80s. As I recall, it wasn’t half bad, and I was even a bit disappointed when my mom switched to the new Diet Coke® when that was introduced.
But who knew that TaB could keep your husband from cheating on you while away on business?
This commercial is wrong on so many levels. First, what the fuck is a “mind-sticker”? Was that late 60s-early 70s slang for “dutiful wife so attractive and stick-thin that her husband doesn’t even give his hot young mini-skirted secretary a second glance”? Mind-sticker. It makes me think of pot sticker, which would imply the woman is in fact dumpling-like, and therefore the TaB isn’t working!
Second, the lyrics:
Don’t you want to have a good shape?
He wants you with a good shape
Shape with TaB!
“Honey, I want you with a good shape! By the time I get back from Baltimore, you’d better have lost ten pounds if you know what’s good for you. Doralee can take more than dictation, you know…”
Finally, the direction and cinematography. It looks like a sinister, poorly-lit feminine hygiene commercial, what with the frolicking through the trees. And look at how she brings the glass of TaB to her mouth at around 0:46 and gently sips—surely rehearsing for the coming evening’s wifely duties.
Yes, it seems TaB was a valuable weapon in the arsenal of every Wonder Years-era housewife with a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
Needless to stay, I’m sure the idea that diet cola = thin stuck in the minds of many a young girl who would grow up to be a model and subsist on Diet Coke, rice cakes, and Gauloises.